Having children has always been my greatest accomplishment. The success of my children, the morals my children have, it measures my success as a mother. Having them grow up and leave home one by one has been so hard. It's still so hard to make it through the entire day sometimes because of the absence I feel in my heart that they are no longer here to make me laugh.
For 24 years Valarie Clayburn (Sissy) has been my reason for making it. She kept me centered. She always made sure I wasn't lost in loneliness or depression. She has been my dream daughter. Lucky when it came to daughters but God double blessed me because he did give me that second daughter I always wanted - he gave me Sarah Clayburn and although she didn't come from my womb she was adopted and we chose her but more importantly God chose us for her. She has such an incredible loving family already but she brought balance to our home. When she grew to fall in love my my first born son and marry him after high school then they gave us our very first granddaughter. My goodness...I was double blessed because there came my 2nd wish for a baby girl. Don't think I forgot John Knight because he was given to us from God just like Sarah was. He raised these 5 children with me, and he is forever more their father - their daddy. Oh, we lived a life of pure chaos at times...both of us working full time raising children going to sports and just building on the blocks that we had based our life on.Chaos or not, I would trade one single moment. When God blessed me with my first born son, I was so young. Already made a teen mom by Valarie at age 17 I was only barely 18 when Daniel came into this world and he turned me upside down. Daniel Clayburn brought such purity to my life. He was always so pure and true. Daniel never hid his feelings, and he always has been true to himself and stood for what he believes in. The kids all do, but that is how we raised them. Sure, we have moments of fear, moments of anger, misunderstanding, we sometimes say things that can hurt another, but when all it comes too is that we are a family. We are a blended successful family. Joseph Clayburn blessed my life almost three years after Daniel. I had such bad miscarriages in those two in half years before Joey finally blessed my world. He changed my life and he made me love in a whole different way. He made me hold them all so much closer. Despite being a teen mom, I raised my children. I didn't leave them for others to raise. I kept them with me. I went through the divorce and with John's love and care he took my hand and said to me, we are in this together. I love you and all four kids and I am here. He has never left me. No matter what - we worked together. He made a beautiful life for me and our children together and we raised them well. We measure our success as parents by the success of our children. I am a proud to be married to the most wonderful man in the world. I am proud we have been married 13 years and together 14 years and there is not one year, one day, one moment, one thing that has ever made me regret my choice. Oh, we didn't come with instructions we worked by trial and error but we did it. When God blessed me with my youngest child who is 18 almost 19 now - my goodness it was a surprise. I had almost got a tubal after Joey and God wouldn't let me and I backed out and 9 1/2 months after having Joey I gave birth to my youngest child Travis Clayburn. Wow, he was a shock. He was a preemie at 10 weeks early and only 4 1/2 pounds when we brought him home. He is an amazing son. He is my reasonable child. he always makes me think twice about things. He loves everyone, wants everyone to get along and loves his family deeply. I am watching my children leave home one by one. None of my kids had a child as a teen so I was a teen mom, but did not have a child that become a teen parent. Even if they had a child as a teen I would have accepted it and been there for them. I have so many things to be thankful for. My husband, my children, my grand children. My life, my very existence is and has been amazing. But, I am struggling with them all leaving home. When they say don't blink, it's true. Cherish your moments - your chaos, your tears, your struggles. Don't get lost in anger. Don't ever forget your reason. My children have kept me pushing on for years. After Khya came into this world i worked even harder to change my life to be healthier because I knew then I wanted to be here to watch my chlren grow to be parents, and even grandparents too. i want to watch them raise my grandchildren and have the chance to be blessed with the presence of my grandchildren in my life. I don't want to be a mom or nona memory they have to share with them. I wish Granny Mayo could have seen my grand daughter, I wish my Brisbon grandparents could have seen how great my children have grown up to be.
